


The Holiness of the Heart's Affections

by cassiopeiasara



Series: Things You Said [6]
Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Birthday, Caretaking, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kisses, Fluff, Friendship, Gifts, Grief/Mourning, Kissing, Letters, Love Confessions, Sickfic, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-01 13:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17244707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiopeiasara/pseuds/cassiopeiasara
Summary: A collection of tumblr minifics.





	1. Things You Said Under the Stars and In the Grass

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: These were all originally posted to tumblr. Prompts are the titles of each chapter. The collection's title comes from this Keats quote: "I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections, and the truth of imagination." Hope you enjoy!

“Lucille?”

Lucille looked up from her spot on the ground into the concerned face of Valerie Dyer.

“Hello, Valerie. Would you like to join me?” She patted the space next to her where her cardigan lay.

Valerie sat down gently. “I’ll wash it after if you like.”

“That’s sweet of you, though I did lay it down in the first place.”

Valerie nodded. “How long have you been here?”

Lucille leaned back on her hands. “I had a quick delivery at the Marstons. Then I checked in on Mrs. Winston and when I called Nonnatus, Nurse Crane told me to take my time getting back.”

“So you thought you’d have a lie down in the grass?”

Lucille winked up at Valerie. “Why not?”

Valerie shrugged and looked up at the stars. “It’s pretty.”

Lucille hummed. “There was a boy back home who loved the stars more than anyone I ever met. He used to tell me all about it as I helped my mother hang our laundry in the evenings.”

Valerie shifted slightly next to her. “Fancied you, did he?”

Lucille chuckled. “No, that was Marie whose mother worked with mine.” She sighed as she traced a constellation with her eyes. “I didn’t attract much attention.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Lucille turned to see Valerie’s furrowed brow peering at her curiously. Lucille tilted her head. “Do you?”

Valerie nodded and started to fidget with her hands. “You’re beautiful, Lucille.”

The statement lingered between them like Valerie had expressed some great confession.

Lucille spoke softly as she replied. “Thank you, Valerie.”

Valerie ducked her head slightly and if it weren’t for the darkness, Lucille could have sworn there was a light pink tint to her cheeks. Lucille smiled and looked back up at the sky.

  
  



	2. Things You Said When You Thought I Was Asleep/Things I Wasn't Meant to Hear

Lucille knocks lightly on Valerie’s door. It’s early yet and she was hoping to look at the listing for the pictures together. Valerie doesn’t answer but the door is unlocked and that’s usually an invitation. She peeks in and shakes her head at the sight that greets her.

Valerie is slumped in her bed, her uniform askew and her cardigan half off one shoulder. Her eyes are closed and her mouth hangs open in a way Lucille is sure she’d be embarrassed about if she was awake.

“What have I told you about getting proper rest so you don’t find yourself in such a state?” She whispers as she gently moves Valerie to lie down and pulls her pajamas from under the pillow.

She slips off the cardigan without so much as a stir from Valerie. She’s jealous sometimes of Val’s ability to fall asleep so easily. It isn’t as if Lucille is never extremely exhausted but the longest days still find her needing half an hour before sleep finds her. She pauses when she finishes discarding Valerie’s belt and watch. She considers just coming back in an hour but it’s clear Valerie’s body has made a decision for an early night. Lucille should completely undress her but it would be rude to do so without waking her first. She sighs and squeezes her shoulder.

“Valerie, you need to wake up,” she says firmly. Valerie moans and moves to lay on her side. Lucille tsks. “I will not be having any arguing.”

Valerie stills at that before she moves to sit up. She lifts her head in Lucille’s direction but doesn’t open her eyes. “Lucille?”

Lucille smiles at how endearing she looks. “Yes, now we need to get you out of your uniform and into your night clothes.”

Val shifts and unbuttons her top. Lucille keeps her eyes trained on Val’s face, resisting a chuckle as Val’s brow crinkles when she gets her sleeves twisted. Lucille comes the closest to breaking when Val sports a pout.

“Would you like a little help, Nurse Dyer?”

Valerie just nods and Lucille tries not to think about how smooth Valerie’s skin is or the small group of freckles on her shoulder. She manages to get Valerie into her pajamas without Valerie opening her eyes once.

As Val settles under the duvet, Lucille hums. “There we are.” She gets up to leave when Valerie makes a soft sound. Lucille tilts her head. “What was that?”

“Stay,” comes the muffled reply from Valerie’s face against the pillow.

“All right then,” replies Lucille as she sits on the bed. It’s only a few minutes before the steady rise and fall of Valerie’s breathing signals she’s fallen asleep again. Lucille knows she should leave now but something grounds her there as she takes in Valerie’s features in the lamplight.

“I’ve never had a friend quite like you,” she whispers. Val stirs slightly and Lucille worries she might wake again but there’s just the same steady breathing. “You are one of the bravest women I’ve known. Strong, loyal.” She reaches forward to brush Valerie’s fringe from her forehead. “And your heart. The sheer glory and size of your heart, Valerie.” She sighs as she starts to wring her hands in her lap. “I don’t know quite what I’ve done to be blessed with you.”

“Lu,” mutters Valerie and Lucille is afraid for a moment that she’s been caught out. It isn’t as if she doesn’t tell Valerie how much she appreciates her but she never says it this plainly. She’s terrified for a moment it’s a bit too much. Lucille may not know much of the world beyond the few places she’s traveled but she knows her own heart. A heart where affection for Valerie takes up more residence than she ever anticipated.

A hand comes from underneath the duvet and Lucille knows instantly its search is for her own. She takes it gently and squeezes. “I’m here,” she says.

Val offers a light squeeze back. Lucille waits until her grip slackens, her gentle breathing consistent and long. She rises slowly, turning off the lamp and gently slipping out the door.

  
  



	3. Things You Said After You Kissed Me

“You’re trembling,” says Lucille as she steps back on her heel.

Valerie won’t even look at her. Her eyes are frantic and she’s thrumming with an energy Lucille doesn’t understand. Perhaps it had been too intimate a gesture but Lucille returned to Nonnatus so thankful for Valerie’s assist on undiagnosed triplets that a cheek kiss felt appropriate.

“I’m sorry if I—“

“No,” says Valerie as she gives Lucille’s hands a weak squeeze before she releases them. She steps back into her room from the doorway and Lucille wonders if she should just leave her be. “It’s not you,” she adds in a voice that trembles more than her hands.

Lucille steps into Valerie’s room thankful that Trixie is out on a house call. There’s something about the moment that tells her they need to be alone. Valerie starts to wring her hands as she looks past Lucille’s shoulder. Lucille tries to catch her gaze as she speaks.

“What is it then?”

Valerie pulls her arms up, crossing them and hugging herself. Lucille has seen her do it only a few times before and her heart breaks for the fear in Valerie’s eyes. “There’s something I haven’t said because I was worried. And because,” she stops and ducks her head. The rest of her words come out so quietly, Lucille leans forward to hear. “You shouldn’t be burdened with this. Heavens, Lucille, you’re so good and kind.”

Lucille takes a proper step forward. She wants nothing more than to take Valerie into her arms. It’s an urge she has often but she knows Valerie needs the space. She is always so careful with her words and her vulnerability. It’s a trust that Lucille has been honored to have and one she’s so careful not to break. So she remains close but doesn’t reach for Val.

“I appreciate the compliment, Valerie, but I don’t see why it has you so upset. Why you won’t look—“

“Oh Lucille,” she says, her voice so fragile and breaking at a rate Lucille has never heard before. “It’s all I want to do.”

Lucille furrows her brow and tilts her head. “What do you mean?”

Valerie looks up then. Her eyes shiny with tears. “Look at you, be with you. I, I haven’t been fair. I’m usually so careful but Lucille, it’s been so different with you.”

“I don’t believe I’m following,” says Lucille. She wants so desperately to understand. Wants Valerie to stop trembling. Wants to heal that hurt in her voice.

Valerie sniffles and shakes her head as she walks backward toward her bed. “Of course you don’t.” She sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “I’m not like other women, Lucille.”

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t want you to hate me.”

Lucille takes another step forward and tries to pour as much tenderness into her voice as she can. “I could never hate you, Valerie.”

Valerie took a deep breath and finally looked down at Lucille. “Lucille, I’ve developed a… well, an affection for you that I—“

Lucille knit her eyebrows. “Why would I hate you for—“

Valerie shakes her head. “No, I need you to understand. It’s not just an affection one has for a mate. It’s deeper than that.”

Lucille’s heart starts to beat so loudly in her chest that she worries Valerie might hear it. She steps closer. “And you think I’d hate you for that?”

A few tears fall down Valerie’s cheeks as she nods. “I’m sorry, Lucille. I didn’t mean to—“

“How do you think I feel about you?” says Lucille in a voice much stronger than she expects. She steps a little closer and Valerie’s eyes dart up to hers in surprise.

“We’re friends. So I’d think—“

“I didn’t understand it at first. It was a feeling I didn’t have a name for. It grew much like those roses Sister Monica Joan is so fond of. And I wasn’t sure how to say it or if I should but I…” she trails off as she comes only a few inches away from Valerie.

Valerie looks at her with a wonder that only increases the speed of Lucille’s heart. It’s a look Lucille craves more and more each day. It’s that look that gives her the courage to answer the question that falls from Valerie’s lips.

“You what?” asks Valerie in that still small and broken voice.

Lucille reaches up to cup her cheek. “I love you.” She strokes her thumb along Valerie’s cheek, her chest flooding with warmth as Valerie leans and presses against her palm. “Which is why I could never hate you.”

Valerie lets out a small sound that cuts at Lucille’s heart. A sound like Valerie is bracing herself for a wound. “But I w-want. That is my love is more than just—“

Lucille smiles softly. “Are we in some sort of competition now about whose love is greater?”

Valerie closes her eyes and takes a breath. “You need to understand that when I say I love you, I mean—“

“The same thing I do,” says Lucille as she tilts her head. “Now may I give you a proper kiss to stop all this worrying?”

Valerie’s eyes widen slightly before she nods. When Lucille leans up, Valerie meets her halfway. It’s small, like a quiet agreement, but it’s a solid confirmation all the same. When they part, Lucille leans her forehead against Valerie’s.

“I think we’re overdue for some tea and one of them chocolate creams I know you’re still hiding in the supply room.”

When Valerie laughs, it has a watery edge, but it’s still one of the most joyous sounds Lucille has ever heard.

  
  



	4. Things You Said When You Were Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The song Lucille sings in this bit is Dusty Springfield's "I Only Want to Be With You"

Valerie paused as she heard singing coming from Lucille and Phyllis’ room.

“ _Cause you started something can’t you see, that ever since we met, you’ve had a hold on me_.”

Valerie knocked on the door lightly. “Lucille?”

Lucille ran to the door, opened it wide, and beamed with a smile that was almost too bright. “Valerie,” she greeted as she pulled Val gently into the room. 

Valerie knitted her eyebrows. “Are you all right?”

Lucille nodded as she hummed and folded her laundry. “I had a little wine with Mrs. Buckle after I went to help Reggie with his leaflet folding.” She stopped as she wavered a little. “Suppose it was a touch more than a little.”

Valerie set her cardigan and medical bag on Lucille’s bed as she moved closer to Lucille’s ironing board. “Would you like help with this?”

Lucille placed a hand on Valerie’s forearm and Val tried not to think about how her heart leapt at the gesture. “Thank you, Valerie.” She gave Val’s arm a squeeze but didn’t let go. “You are so good to me, do you know?”

Valerie shook her head as she proceeded to fold Lucille’s bright pink cardigan. She resisted the urge to linger over it. She did enough of that when Lucille wore it. “It’s no trouble, you know that.”

“Hmm,” replied Lucille as she leaned closer and tilted her head up at Valerie. There was something about Lucille’s gaze. Something that told Valerie that no matter what she said, Lucille could see right through to her very heart. Lucille smiled and nodded, going back to laying out one of her Sunday dresses.

When she swayed slightly with the iron, Valerie took it gently from her hands. “Let me do this bit. Why don’t you sit down and have some water?”

Lucille considered her a moment before she relinquished her hold on the iron and went over to her vanity to pour water. “How is Mrs. Mackenzie?”

Valerie tried to concentrate on pressing Lucille’s dress and not how beautiful Lucille looked in the soft light of the room as she settled onto her bed. “Progressing nicely. I think she’s just a bit nervous.”

Lucille nodded slowly. “Nothing like the nerves of a new mother.”

Valerie nodded as she finished Lucille’s dress and hung it in the wardrobe. She turned back to find Lucille with her head against the headboard and her eyes closed. She took a moment to smile at her. She was glad Lucille was connecting with people in the community and surprised but pleased that she’d gone as far as to share a drink with Violet. She still worried from time to time that her community wouldn’t embrace Lucille as quickly or as openly as she deserved. 

“I’m sure in England it’s just as impolite to stare at someone as in Jamaica,” whispered Lucille. 

Valerie startled slightly and shook her head. “Sorry, I got a little lost.”

Lucille smiled as she opened her eyes fully. “Then let me help you find your way. A cup of tea is probably a good place to start?”

Valerie chuckled as she nodded. “Why don’t I put my things away, pop downstairs and bring it up?”

Lucille gave her an impressed look as she raised her eyebrows. “What service, Nurse Dyer. You be careful or I’ll expect to be spoiled regularly.”

_You deserve it_ , thought Valerie. She smiled at Lucille as she grabbed her medical bag and cardigan. “Be back quick as a wink.”

Lucille pointed at the small clock on her nightstand. “I’ll be timing you.”

Valerie grabbed her bag and chuckled as she entered her room. There were few sights as endearing as a slightly intoxicated Lucille Anderson.


	5. Things You Whispered in My Ear

Valerie leaned against the closed front door of Nonnatus and sighed. There were so many things she enjoyed about midwifery. Ways in which it healed some of the hurt left from the war but then there were nights like this one. Patients like this one that tore at her heart and left a weight so great she worried it might never lift.

_Press on_ , she reminded herself as she blinked back tears and made her way to their records ledger.

12th November 1963

_Baby Dennison, stillborn 19:59_

She took a deep breath and lowered her pen. She tried to ignore the five healthy and alive babies recorded above. Some days the reminders gave her hope but tonight it felt just a further reminder of failure.

_I should have done more_ , she thought. Sister Julienne had reassured her that she’d done all she could before she arrived for an assist. It didn’t help though. Sister Julienne’s soft encouraging tone did nothing to break the endless loop of checking in Valerie’s mind for the point at which she’d gone wrong. A constant checklist to find out what sign she’d missed.

She had a brief thought for a cup of tea but shook her head. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed, cry herself to sleep and start fresh in the morning.

Valerie crept up the stairs, careful not to wake any of the nuns or other nurses. She paused briefly at Phyllis and Lucille’s door but reconsidered just as quickly. Lucille deserved rest, not her blubbering.

She continued on to her room. There was a soft glow in her room and she wondered how she’d forgotten to turn off her lamp when a familiar head popped up from her novel on the edge of Valerie’s bed.

“I thought you might like some company.”

Lucille smiled up at her affectionately, an understanding empathy in her eyes. Valerie took in a sharp breath. “I, I don’t—“

“I can go if you need me to. I just wanted—“

“No,” interrupted Valerie as she moved closer. Her tone had been sharper than she intended.  _You’ve done it now, Dyer_ , she thought.

Lucille continued to smile though and nodded slowly. “Why don’t you change and tell me all about it?”

Valerie only managed discarding her cloak and cardigan before her hands were trembling too hard to unbutton her uniform. She tried to shake them to steady her fingers but had no luck.

“Do you need help, Valerie?”

She turned and felt herself waver. It was all too much. The night, the mother, the chaos, and that poor baby. She felt her legs give out and dropped to her knees in front of Lucille. She could feel the storm raging inside her chest threatening to get out.

There was a small firm grip at her elbows as she felt a pull. All she could do was lean forward as Lucille helped her closer. It wasn’t long before Lucille’s arms circled around her back and started to rock her.

“There, there, darling girl,” she whispered, “let it out, I'm right here.”

Valerie broke then, crying into Lucille’s bright floral dressing gown. She didn’t know how long she kneeled on the floor sobbing with Lucille’s strong hold keeping her together as she fell apart. All she knew was that when she finished and looked up into Lucille’s gentle smile, the earlier weight felt lighter than she ever thought possible.


	6. Things You Said When I Was Sick

Valerie tried and failed to hide the coughing fit that overtook her at the top of the stairs. She held onto the banister and reasoned if she just added another scarf, perhaps her morning rounds wouldn’t be so difficult. 

“I don’t much like the sound of that,” came Lucille’s soft voice. 

Valerie swallowed and shook her head, wincing as pain followed the action. “I’m alright,” she croaked out. 

Lucille tilted her head and quirked an eyebrow. “Turn around and back to bed with you. I’ll fetch Dr. Turner.”

“Oh no, Lucille, you don’t need–”

“And who insisted when I fainted in the supply room my first morning here?” interrupted Lucille. 

“Oh, fine, but please don’t send any–”

“You and I both know Sister Monica Joan will be up here before I’ve had a chance to explain the situation.” She gently pointed Val toward her room. “Now you go in there before you faint on the stairs and have a broken limb as well.”

Valerie sighed and made her way back to bed. She couldn’t deny that she was grateful for Lucille’s insistence as her body seemed to sink under the duvet. 

When she woke some time later, there was a cold compress on her forehead and the duvet twisted around her legs. 

“Do not be afraid, child. The fever is breaking and your humors are working toward alignment.” Sister Monica Joan put down her novel and offered Val a glass of water. “For your replenishment.”

Valerie groaned as she sat up slightly. “Thank you, Sister.” After she took a few sips, the room started to spin and her head ached. 

Sister Monica Joan seemed to sense the shift and patted her arm. “I will hasten to warm some tea but not be dismayed if you’ve elected sleep in the course of my duty.”

Valerie offered her a small smile before her eyelids became too heavy and closed.  

When she woke again, it was to the sound of humming. 

“Well, I’m glad to see you stayed put for once.”

Valerie felt the urge to roll her eyes but found herself unable. “I can do what I’m told.”

Lucille chuckled softly. “Can you now?” Valerie scoffed and Lucille winked. “Then try a sit up and some soup. I just warmed it for you.”

Val was glad that she moved better than she had earlier in the day but she only managed a few mouthfuls before fatigue set in once more. She sighed as she lifted her tray for Lucille to take. “I’m sorry.”

Lucille raised her eyebrows and took the tray. “For what? Having an immune system like the rest of us?”

Val coughed into a handkerchief and shook her head. “Didn’t do me much good this time.”

Lucille placed a new compress on Valerie’s forehead as Val laid down once again. “Perhaps if you slowed down from time to time, it might operate better.”

“Says the woman who did my rounds as well as her own this morning.” Lucille opened her mouth but Valerie held up a hand. “I heard Trix before she left for her meeting.”

Lucille shrugged. “Nothing you wouldn’t have done. Now would you like an update?”

Valerie pulled up her blankets and nodded. “Please.” Somewhere between news of the Mathinsons and the Thompsons, Valerie drifted to sleep.


	7. Things You Said In the Rain

Lucille closed the bin quickly as she finished emptying the kitchen rubbish and turned to run inside before the rain got too heavy. She was about to close the back door when she caught sight of Valerie and a short blonde woman she’d never seen before. Lucille opened her mouth to call out to Valerie when the woman gently took Val’s arm.

“Come back with me.” Her voice was soft but earnest.

“I can’t, Alice,” said Valerie in a voice full of so much pain, it broke Lucille’s heart.

The rain started to come down in buckets and Lucille was no longer able to hear what they were saying. She took it as a cue to stop eavesdropping and closed the door as softly as she could.

Valerie was inside a moment later and when she saw how close Lucille was to the door, she looked worried.

“How, how long…” she trailed off as she looked between Lucille and the door.

“I’m sorry, I was just taking the rubbish out.”

Valerie sighed and crossed her arms. Lucille couldn’t tell if it was rain or tears that soaked Valerie’s cheeks. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Lucille knitted her eyebrows. “That I was cleaning up?”

Valerie lifted a hand as if to reach out for Lucille but dropped it just as soon as she extended it. “You know what I mean.”

Lucille stared at Valerie’s hand a moment before she sighed. “I didn’t see anything.”

Valerie shook her head and walked quickly out of the kitchen.

The next few weeks found Lucille mulling over both the moment she’d witnessed and Valerie’s subsequent comments. The truth of the matter was Lucille didn’t know what she’d seen. It was clear Alice, whoever she was, had wanted Valerie to go somewhere and Valerie, for whatever reason, declined. There was something though in the way she’d held Valerie’s arm. Something in her tone and the brokenness in Val’s that told Lucille she’d seen something secret. Something she wasn’t supposed to and something Valerie was terrified she might divulge.

Lucille wanted to follow up, if only to reiterate how she would never break Valerie’s confidence, but she hadn’t had the chance. Valerie tended to bolt when Lucille entered a room, traded seats at the dinner table with Trixie and didn’t come down for their usual evening tea. Lucille didn’t want to push. She knew Valerie was never quick to talk especially when it came to something that upset her. There was only so much Lucille could take though and she was nearing the end of her limit.

Lucille knocked softly on Trixie and Valerie’s door one evening when she knew Trixie would be on her way out to her meeting. Trixie opened the door and smiled down at her.

“Good evening, Lucille.”

Lucille smoked back. “Evening, Trixie. Is Valerie here?”

Trixie bit her lip and opened her mouth to reply when a voice from inside the room beat her to it.

“Let her in.”

Trixie nodded and opened the door wider for Lucille. Lucille only took a few steps in, her eyes trained on Valerie’s face. Valerie was angled toward her but kept her gaze on her lap.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to it.”

Trixie grabbed her purse and closed the door behind her. The silence seemed to stretch between them for an eternity before Lucille found the courage to break it first.

“I’m sorry.”

Valerie’s face snapped up. “Sorry?”

Lucille sighed. “For whatever I’ve done to make you want to run away from me.”

Valerie scoffed and crossed her arms. “I’m not running.”

Lucille raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips. “So you’re telling me I’ve been hallucinating the way you jump up and leave any time I enter a room?”

Valerie shook her head and turned away. “I’m not running now, am I?”

Lucille sighed. “You’re not.” She crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before she turned back to Valerie. “I should have never been listening in on conversations that weren’t my own. But I promise I never had any intention to share what I saw. I’m not even sure what I saw but—“

“We were in the army together,” started Valerie. Somehow her voice sounded as if she were much further than across the room. “She tracked me down a month ago and came to,” she paused and loosened her arms. “It was good to see her but I don’t, well, it’s not the same as it was.”

Lucille tried to think of how to phrase her next question.  _She was your sweetheart_  seemed a bit too forward but judging by Valerie’s worry that evening and her behavior the past weeks, it appeared accurate. “She wanted you to go somewhere,” said Lucille, hoping it was close enough and safer.

Valerie hummed as she nodded. “There’s an opening in the hospital where she works but I don’t want to leave,” she turned and finally looked Lucille in the eye. Valerie’s own eyes shone with unshed tears. “Nonnatus or poplar and, um, midwifery.”

Lucille nodded. “She seemed nice.” It was an odd sort of thing to say but she needed something to tell Valerie that it was all right. That she could still trust Lucille with anything.

Valerie gave a sad smile. “She was, is, rather.” Another silence stretched but this time more comfortable and a lot shorter. “I’m sorry for disappearing.”

“If you could manage not to do it again, I’d greatly appreciate it.”

Valerie chuckled. “Yes ma’am.” She stood slowly and gestured toward the door. “You too busy for a cuppa?”

Lucille smiled. “Not at all.” She moved to let Valerie lead the way and took a deep breath in and out. As she walked down the stairs, she felt the world right itself just a little.


	8. Things You Said In Writing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Val quotes a bit of Keats here. I hope you enjoy.

“Happy Birthday, Nurse Anderson,” whispered Sister Julienne as she smiled in the early morning light. 

Lucille gave her a warm smile in return. “Thank you, Sister.” She almost pivoted toward the kitchen, thinking it might be better to have a bit of toast before the morning meeting, when Sister Julienne stepped forward and turned her toward the stairs. 

“You’ve been granted a late start this morning. Come down at ten and I’ll leave your patient list in the supply room.”

Lucille shook her head. “Oh, I don’t need any special treat–”

“Nonsense. There’s nothing special about it. You’ve just come from a long labor and you deserve what little rest I can offer.”

Lucille sighed as she knew Sister Julienne’s tone was one she had no business arguing with. “Thank you. I’ll be down right at ten.”

“And not a moment before,” stated Sister Julienne as she left Lucille at the bottom of the stairs. 

Lucille shook her head as she started up them, feeling her fatigue deeper with every step. Right before she reached the top, there was a gentle hand on her harm. 

“Happy Birthday.”

She looked up into Valerie’s bright smile. She felt her heart flutter at the sight. “Thank you.”

“I have your gift in my room but I was going to leave this,” she pulled an envelope from her pocket, “with Sister Monica Joan.”

Lucille chuckled. “A bit of a risk.”

Val chuckled as well. “With many things, yes, but not when it comes to something for her favorite nurse.”

Lucille shook her head. “I’m hardly her–”

Valerie winked. “Bad luck to deny the truth on your birthday.”

Lucille rolled her eyes as she took the envelope. “You don’t believe in luck.”

Valerie shrugged. “I don’t believe in a lot of things but can’t be too careful. Sleep well, Lucille.” She gave Lucille’s arm another light squeeze and headed down the stairs. 

Lucille hummed in answer and made her way to her room. There was a small parcel on her bed and her name written in Phyllis’ handwriting. She smiled and quickly changed out of her uniform, moving the parcel to a chair. She slipped under her duvet and almost closed her eyes when she remembered what Valerie handed her on the steps. She grabbed the envelope and a letter opener. There was a card with a lovely picture of a sunrise. 

_Lucille,_

_I wrote this several times and couldn’t really find the right words. You are an extraordinary person who I am honored to know. I hope that your birthday is lovely and you’ll forgive me for using the words of someone else to express a sentiment I cannot._

_“I have been astonished that men could die matyrs for religion/I have shuddered at it/I shudder no more/I could be matyred for my religion/Love is my religion.”_

_Wishing you many happy returns._

_Warmest affection,_

_Valerie._

Lucille felt her heart race as she read the letter two more times and thought about the two lines Valerie hadn’t included. Two lines Valerie probably reasoned Lucille would know. 

_I could die for that. I could die for you._

Lucille shook her head as she placed the letter under her pillow. It was hard not to have her mother’s cake on her birthday or her aunties singing her awake but she felt a warmth she’d never expected and she allowed it to carry her to sleep. 


End file.
